


soap

by brandywine421



Series: Unfinished AUs of Flail (aka fail) [16]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8595892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: "You hate your job.  You think about quitting every day.  You covet things that you are not allowed to have so you dream of quitting so you can have them," Dottie said in her familiar and always unsettling chirp.
He didn't spend a lot of time with Dottie one-on-one but he saw her with James on a semi-regular basis.  James wore Bucky's face but he was as Russian as his bionic arm.  The Soviets couldn't break Bucky Barnes so they cut out chunks of his brain and made a soldier they didn't have to break.
Howard found Steve in the ice in 1985 and Steve found James and Dottie in a different kind of ice in 1987.
James trusted Steve instinctively, a fatal flaw by design it seemed, and Dottie trusted James the same way.
"It makes James unhappy to see you unhappy," Dottie said.  "And.  You are my friend."
"Yeah," Steve said.  They were friends, by some definitions.  "I'm not unhappy."
"You are a pathetic liar.  Your eyes," she gestured.  "They are windows you don't know how to close.  You are unhappy, always."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I ♥ this. It's b-a-n-a-n-a-s and totally too soapy for me to keep a handle on. Honestly, the math involved in making this timeline work is why I can honestly say I'll never finish this one no matter how much I want to.
> 
> (This was my second actual attempt at nano 2016.)

# opportunity knocks  
  
  
## one  
  
"You hate your job.  You think about quitting every day.  You covet things that you are not allowed to have so you dream of quitting so you can have them," Dottie said in her familiar and always unsettling chirp.  
  
He didn't spend a lot of time with Dottie one-on-one but he saw her with James on a semi-regular basis.  James wore Bucky's face but he was as Russian as his bionic arm.  The Soviets couldn't break Bucky Barnes so they cut out chunks of his brain and made a soldier they didn't have to break.  
  
Howard found Steve in the ice in 1985 and Steve found James and Dottie in a different kind of ice in 1987.  
  
James trusted Steve instinctively, a fatal flaw by design it seemed, and Dottie trusted James the same way.  
  
"It makes James unhappy to see you unhappy," Dottie said.  "And.  You are my friend."  
  
"Yeah," Steve said.  They were friends, by some definitions.  "I'm not unhappy."  
  
"You are a pathetic liar.  Your eyes," she gestured.  "They are windows you don't know how to close.  You are unhappy, always."  
  
He sighed.  "What's this about, Dot?"  
  
She twitched at the nickname but Steve wouldn't have said it if he wasn't allowed and she swallowed thickly before replying.  "There has been a malfunction.  I have a malfunction.  A flaw in my equipment."  
  
"Are you all right?  Have you gone to medical?  What's wrong?" Steve asked.  Dottie was a Widow, she was supercharged with the same serum that kept Steve and James healthy and unaged.  
  
She tilted her head.  "We were not created with the capability to breed.  It is a flaw.  James.  He says it is because we have sex for pleasure and not for work, that maybe we broke something.  James will be my only mate," she said, with flashing eyes.  
  
Oh.  
  
"The clock is always ticking and I - James and I - we enjoy our work and have no urge to stop.  But you, you are unhappy always," she said, meeting his gaze coolly.  "Right now, James and I have a malfunction.  But.  Perhaps, in seven months, we could have a gift for you."  She placed her hand over her flat stomach.  "This could be a child and not an abomination.  I am not a practitioner of sentiment, but if there is any chance that your lost friend, Bucky, could be a part of this flaw then it is not fair of us to decide the fate of it."  
  
"Dottie, no, it doesn't - it doesn't work like that.  This is your decision, and James," Steve fumbled.  Goddammit, he was not ready for this conversation - he'd rather go back to space.  A baby.  Dottie was having James' baby - how did he not have a protocol for this.  He focused.  "Nobody else can decide - it's your choice.  Not the scientists or the Director's - or mine."  
  
She hummed absently but he knew better.  "You are unhappy.  You like children.  I can give you a child and then you can retire and be happy."  
  
"It doesn't work like that," Steve repeated.  "Look at me, please."  She scanned his face but he trapped her gaze.  "Dottie."  
  
"I would like to know that I am meant for something other than death.   I would like to see if James and I can make a real child.  I want - I would like to give her a chance, a life, a soul - " she snapped her mouth closed quickly and inhaled through her nose.  "They would take her, they would run tests and needles and twist her into a monster like me, or a puppet like James - but if you - you wouldn't let them, you would protect her, love her and raise her to be good.  Strong and brave and safe.  You would take care of her."  
  
"Her," Steve repeated.  
  
Dottie hesitated with emotion that was totally foreign on her face.  "You are the only person who treats us like real people.  You invite us to holidays that we do not celebrate.  You make meals for us, you talk to us about movies and music and not missions.  You keep tea just for James in your pantry, and those little butterscotch candies for me in the dish by the window.  You have pictures of us on your wall.  I would like to have this child but I know that I could not care for it properly.  I do not trust myself that much - but I trust you.  You can raise it, her, or him, and when we come over for tea or holidays, we could see her."  
  
"Oh my God, Dot," Steve sighed, walking around the desk and taking her hand for permission before embracing her.  She was actually crying.  
  
She would possibly kill him for it but he didn't think she was conning him.  She meant it.  
  
"Whatever she wants," James said, stepping into the room with a wild expression.  "I am her partner no matter what she decides.  Whatever she wants to do, that's what I want her to do.  What - " his eyes widened comically.  "What did you *do* to her?"  
  
Dottie snapped away from him, face composed apart from the streaks of mascara.  "James."  
  
"You were supposed to wait for me to debrief.  I couldn't find you," James said, glancing between them.  
  
"I did not tell him.  You have proven you will do anything for him," Dottie told Steve.  "The request was mine."  
  
Steve held his breath.  Could he raise a kid?  Was he ready for that?  Walking away from SHIELD wouldn't be hard, he hated the meetings and politics and bureaucracy of it all - and he had no thirst for violence these days.  But a baby - James, not Bucky's, but a Barnes baby by blood - was that - was he capable of caring for a tiny person?  
  
He exhaled.  He definitely wasn't capable of walking away from a baby that needed a home.  "If James agrees, I'll do it.  But we'll have to make arrangements that we can all agree on."  
  
"Whatever she wants," James said.  
  
"I'm going to have the baby and Steve is going to take care of her," Dottie stated.  
  
James froze and slowly turned to him with his fists, metal and flesh, curled against his sides.  "You.  You will?"  Steve nodded.  James took a step closer.  "You won't let them take it from her?"  
  
"Never.  But I'd want to make sure the child was healthy, even before he or she is born," Steve said.  "Dottie, you'd have to go on light duty - no missions or combat until you're postpartum.  I'll have to make plans for my job here, and find a secure permanent home for us.  All of us," he added pointedly.  "You have a guest room at my apartment now, but you won't be guests in my home anymore if I'm raising your kid."  
  
"Holidays and tea," Dottie said suspiciously.  
  
"No.  Home, when you're not working, you'll come home," Steve said, glancing at them both in turn to make sure they understood.  They were his family, as dysfunctional as it stood, but he wanted them to spend as much time as they could with their child if they wanted.  "Give me three days to work out the details.  Who else knows?"  
  
"No one else matters so no one else knows," Dottie shrugged.  "Well, a doctor at a free clinic in Reno but she only has an alias and some property damage to go on."  
  
"Don't tell anyone else.  I'll find a doctor, or midwife, that we can trust.  I think we should handle all of this outside of SHIELD," Steve said.  
  
James grabbed his arm with metal fingers.  "Thank you."  
  
"Not yet," Steve said.  "I have to tell the Director something."  
  
"You can tell the Director.  You trust Peggy," Dottie nodded.  
  
"But not Stark.  Not the big one, anyway.  The kid's all right.  He's smarter than the big one," James said distantly.  
  
  
  
## two  
  
"Steve, thank God, I was hoping someone with intelligence would turn up to help me wade through these briefings," Peggy said.  The cluster of senior agents with matching stacks of files around the table pretend not to glare at her.  
  
"Actually, Director," he said, smirking at her twitch at hearing him use her title.  "I need to speak with you privately."  
  
She frowned.  "Is it an emergency?"  
  
"It's more important than going over old casefiles," Steve countered.  
  
"We're following a lead," Peggy replied.  Maybe it hadn't been a good day for him to tease her with the 'Director'.  "Can you sum it up?"  
  
Okay.  He wanted her opinion - desperately - but if she couldn't step out of her Director shoes long enough for a one-on-one conversation then there was no need to twist himself into knots over it.  "No, I can't.  But I hope you'll remember that I did attempt a courtesy call."  
  
"You should stay, this lead will probably land on your desk once - " she spoke when he made it to the door, feeling the agents watching him.  He kept walking.  
  
Peggy had been his best friend in the years after he woke up, but her husband had never warmed up to him.  Daniel despised Steve - even if he was a firm supporter of Captain America - he detested Steve.  Once Peggy took the Director's chair of SHIELD, she had to spend her all free time with her husband with not enough left for a friend.  And once Daniel told her that the job had been offered to Steve and turned down before it was passed on to her - well, the friend part of their relationship had been downgraded another level.  
  
Steve had a lot of really good friends, but with Bucky dead and Peggy as his boss; he didn't have a best friend to run through his exit strategy.  
  
He may not have plotted a scenario where James knocked up Dottie, but he had alternates on the books - enough people owed him favors for endless scenarios.  
  
He already had honorable discharges on record from the Justice Department of three consecutive administrations that could be filed within the hour to get his strings cut to the military.  He'd signed an open-ended contract with SHIELD - intended to make it so he would have a job forever, but also allowing him to walk away at his own discretion.  If they questioned it, he had three different psychiatrists that could file medical discharge requests for assorted mental issues caused by the war and uncurable with chemicals.  
  
Dottie wasn't wrong.  He hated the job enough to have more scenarios for resigning than the rest of his life plans combined.  
  
He had adoption papers with the local animal shelter and foster parent approval for New York and three of its bordering states.  He had dance and sculpture lessons already paid for.  He had acceptance letters from six universities.  Plans.  Exit strategies.  None of them ever cashed in, but all waiting for him to make a move.  
  
He slept forty years.  He was a man from the past living in the future - but he still had a future.  
  
"What are you smiling about?" Daniel asked, rounding the corner.  "Pegs said you were in a snit."  
  
"What clearance level are you now, Agent?" Steve asked.  Daniel's eyes flared.  "Eleven, right?  Senior management.  Here, save the courier a walk.  The Director has her copy on her desk."  He held out the folder with the official seals intact.  
  
"What is this?" Daniel asked suspiciously.  
  
"Something that'll have you smiling, too."  He started forward but decided to clear the air once and for all.  
  
He was going to be too busy building a family to worry about SHIELD.  And Peggy didn't care about anything else so he should accept that and make his peace where he could find it.  
  
"Since I'm pretty sure we'll never speak to each other again after today, I'm going to drop some clearance level 20 intel on you, Sousa," he said, low enough not to ping the voice mikes but enough for Daniel to listen.  "The reason Peggy and I were so close during the war was because the SSR assigned her to me.  They needed me seen publicly with a woman on my arm so they didn't have to blue ticket me home.  She was my beard before they even had a name for it.  So if you've hated me all this time for being her epic first love, then you've been blaming the wrong guy because she knew I had someone else."  
  
Daniel's eyes were wide and dilated.  He wished catharsis felt better.  "But - "  
  
"I wish you and yours all the best, Agent Sousa," he said and once he turned the corner - the catharsis actually did feel better.  
  
He was going to have a family.  
  
  
  
  
## three  
  
"He resigned," Daniel said before she could close her office door all the way.  
  
The air drained out of her lungs.  No.  
  
"He has everything in order.  His discharge, his retirement and pension - and probably backup plans if anyone challenges it.  I'm getting the idea that you didn't talk to him."  
  
"I was in a meeting and didn't - " she whispered.  
  
"I hope it was a really important meeting.  You're the only person that would be able to talk him out of it, or get a straight answer.  James and Dottie are taking their accrued leave time, too, as if that's not supposed to be a big 'fuck you' from Captain America," Daniel added.  
  
No.  
  
"Peggy."  
  
"He's taking them with him?" She remembered his ciphered notes sketched into the margins of his notes with his own shorthand from when she'd type up her reports with him.  When they were still friends.  
  
Why were they not friends now?  How could she have turned him away without finding out what made him seek her out?  
  
"Peggy?"  
  
"Sorry.  I don't think he's taking James and Dottie with him," she said, shaking off her own thoughts and focusing on her husband.  "James would want to make sure Steve was settled safely."  
  
"He told me he was gay and you knew about it.  That you were assigned to cover for him.  Is that true?" Daniel asked, catching her full attention.  
  
"What?"  They were never supposed to tell - she'd redacted it from all the files -  
  
Daniel's face was haggard suddenly.  Oh no.  "Why wouldn't you tell me?  I can get behind you protecting his reputation but - "  
  
"It wasn't about his reputation, not after the ice.  He - he would have proudly come out if - I would have never have come this far in my career without the good, and bad, label of the Captain's Best Girl," she admitted.  Those words were never meant to leave her mouth and were rotten on her tongue.  
  
"We've been married twenty-five years.  He's been alive for ten."  
  
"It doesn't change anything," Peggy said.  "Not between us.  You have secrets, too."  
  
Daniel shook his head numbly.  "Sure, but not from you.  Even the classified things I know are at your discretion, first.  You're the Director, after all, and you can't show special treatment."  
  
"Daniel."  
  
"I'm sure you'll have your hands full handling the reassignment of Rogers' duties.  As a consultant, he sure had his hands in a lot of SHIELD business.  He gave the required three-day notice but he's already vacated his office and finalized all the exit paperwork so he's not required to come back in if he doesn't want to," Daniel said, standing up.    
  
"We need to talk this through," Peggy said, reaching out.  
  
"You said it doesn't change anything.  I'm due in Jersey tomorrow for a conference but I'm curious to see what the PR department's going to use as his official statement of resignation so don't forget to copy me on the company email.  I should have the clearance," Daniel said.  
  
"Don't leave mad."  
  
"It doesn't matter how I feel, I still have to leave now," he said.  He wasn't limping and he huffed dryly when she automatically looked around to pass him his cane.  "Got the final kinks worked out of the new leg months ago and you still check for my crutch.  It would almost be sweet on any other day."  
  
  
  
  
## four  
  
"I think I'm ready for good things now."  
  
"What's that mean?"  
   
"I quit my job."  
  
"Wait."  
  
"And I'm having a baby."  
  
"Okay, seriously."  
  
"I'm happy about both of those things even if I have no idea how they're going to play out now that I made the decisions."  
  
"Fuck the job for now, tell me about the kid.  You don't even like girls."  
  
"Turns out James and Dottie's equipment works just fine.  They're going to hang out while, and I quote, 'Dottie incubates'."  
  
"Jesus Christ, you're a crazy bastard."  
  
"You already knew that."  
  
"Yeah, that's true."  
  
"Do you want to come over?"  
  
"You quit your job for real?"  
  
"For real."  
  
"Then I'm packing a bag."  
  
  
  
  
## five  
  
"Holy shitballs.  I mean, James, what brings you here?  Is Cap - " Tony recovered from his shock at finding the silent one-armed killer hovering in his lab.  Well, his father's lab until further notice but mostly Tony's.  
  
James shook his head once.  "Steve is busy."  
  
"Oookay," Tony stretched out.  "Are you here to kill me?"  
  
"I am off the clock," James replied dryly.  "I require a...favor."  
  
"Let me see the arm, Uncle J, and I'll see what - " Tony said, curling his fingers in invitation for him to put his bionic arm on the scanner but the man shook his head again.  
  
"I do not require maintenance."  
  
Tony raised an eyebrow at him.  "Then what do you need from me?  Daddy Dearest is - "  
  
"I do not trust Howard.  Some of his friends upset Dottie and he is not to be involved.  We do not like his friends," James interrupted.  "I require your assistance, if you are willing.  It is for Steve and his safety."  
  
Now *that* was interesting.  He knew Dottie and his dad had bad blood between them but Howard Stark was Captain America's top supporter, the only one during those forty years of hunting in the Arctic until they found him.  For James, Steve's dead-eyed best friend zombie, to not trust him - well, that was big.  Monumental actually.  
  
"Steve has turned in his resignation.  He is a civilian," James continued in a flat tone.  "He will need protection for his family.  He will probably buy a guard dog or hang a bell on a gate but that is insufficient.  His home must be secure.  I am taking charge of security and I require assistance."  
  
"Oh shit," Tony whispered.  "Cap quit?  That's - wow.  Wait - family?"  
  
As far as he knew, Cap's family *was* SHIELD.  Something big was going on.  Tony had never been let into the SHIELD side of the Stark legacy and that was A-OK with him.  He hero-worshipped Captain America like his father taught him on the sparse weekends that the man was actually around growing up - but unlike his father, he liked Steve Rogers a lot more than Captain America once he came back to life.  Steve called or visited for lunch at least once a week, with or without Howard.  Steve visited Tony's mother for tea and gossip at least once a month, with or without Howard.  
  
If Cap resigned, Tony had a feeling that would change.  
  
"Dottie and I will be with him.  She is."  James stopped and put his metal hand over his stomach and then slowly moved it away from to mimic swelling.  
  
"You knocked her up?  Shit, man, congrats, I guess?" Tony processed.  
  
James shook his head sharply.  "That is for Steve.  He will be the father.  He will take better care - he is more capable of love than - I am taking charge of security," he said, almost stammering.  Shit, the Winter Soldier *was* a real boy under there.  
  
"Make a note, the response 'it's complicated' will get you out of all the messy explanation with most people," Tony suggested.  "But Jesus, that's heavy."  
  
"As long as Howard surrounds himself with assholes, he will not be invited to visit.  SHIELD will not be allowed to visit.  We will use a different location for that.  But you are acceptable, and Steve trusts you.  Your technology is more advanced than Howard or SHIELD's."  James paused.  "Steve will not want weapons or around the child, no danger.  He will not want constant surveillance of his health and daily habits.  But I am in charge of security.  I want to make sure no one can find his home or get inside the perimeter without permission.  I want to make sure his family is not marked or followed when he leaves.  I want to make sure he can raise the child as Steve and not as Captain America."  
  
James held his gaze.  "You are the smartest person that I know who Steve trusts implicitly."  
  
High praise.  Probably too high for him considering his father had no intention of turning over the company to him because of his 'immaturity'.  
  
"Will you help me?" James asked.  
  
Tony probably wouldn't put his ass on the line for the Winter Soldier, but there were very few things that he wouldn't do for Steve Rogers.  
  
  
  
  
## six  
  
Steve was barely awake enough to say good morning when he let James and Dottie into his apartment.  Despite the paradigm shift currently in progress, their entry routine was the same.  
  
He accepted his double cheek kiss from Dottie and watched as James nodded reverently to the snapshot of Arnie from 1938 framed by the coat closet.  
  
James didn't have Bucky's memories, he never would; but he respected Steve's memories.  Arnie had been Steve's first love, and Bucky had covered for them in Brooklyn.  Steve would have done anything for Arnie.  Except stay behind when Bucky got drafted.  Steve made his choice and ended up losing them both.  
  
Steve didn't ask James why he 'greeted' Arnie before anything else when he came over.  It had taken a long time for Steve to fully accept that Bucky was lost forever inside James' head but he didn't have any baggage attached to the stray habits that the two men shared anymore.  There wasn't anyone around that would recognize Arnie considering he died alone in Brooklyn while Steve and Bucky were chasing Nazis in Poland.  
  
"It's early, guys," Steve said.  
  
"We are on vacation so we make our own schedule," Dottie replied.  "Is there coffee?  I am allowed 200 milligrams of coffee per day."  
  
"Solidarity is going to become a problem if she insists I share her restrictions," James said under his breath when Dottie made her way into the kitchen without waiting for Steve's response.  
  
"I can see that," Steve agreed.  He didn't think that would end well for anyone involved.  
  
"I found several properties that I think will work and need your plans."  
  
"My plans?" Steve asked.  
  
"You wrote plans for a family and home after you retired.  I know your code," James replied blankly.  
  
Wait.  "My code?"  
  
James froze.  "Oh.  I thought you knew.  You write your notes in a cipher, your plans.  I know it."  
  
He forgot how to breathe.  "How?" he whispered finally.  Nobody alive knew his shorthand.  Bucky hadn't known -  
  
"Bucky knew it," James said, reading his thoughts.  "I retained language skills and he knew the language.  You wrote missives to your paramour with rendezvous coordinates.  Bucky needed the intel to run reconnaissance.  I thought you knew."  
  
"I guess I forgot," he lied, trying to recover from that gut punch.  Goddammit, he didn't want to have to go to the cemetery today to rage at an empty grave today.  "We never talked about Arnie."  
  
James blinked.  "He was terrified.  That's what I associate with the language.  He was terrified that you would be killed if anyone knew."  
  
Steve exhaled heavily.  
  
James cleared his throat.  
  
"It's okay, James.  I would have been upset if I knew Bucky could read it, but I don't mind that you know it," Steve said.  "It doesn't mean the same thing now that it did before."  
  
James glanced at the photo of Arnie.  "There's guilt associated with it, too.  Bucky would pay his respects if he were still alive."  
  
"Let's talk properties," Steve backtracked from his growing despair and regrets over 50 years lost.  "And coffee."  
  
James nodded.  "Yes."  
  
Goddammit, Bucky.  Now was not the time to dig up all that from his carefully bricked up psyche.  He couldn't change what happened with Arnie any more than he could change what happened to everyone else.  
  
"And when your bones were bleached and dry, we would grind them into powder, all but the teeth so - " Dottie stopped speaking at their entrance but didn't know the meaning of shame.  Steve gave her a shaming glare anyway.  
  
"Dottie, I see you've met my very good friend, Barry.  James, this is Barry."  
  
Barry had a history of his own and it wasn't as simple as the space aliens and other 'realms'.  He could never go home either.  His family and friends would stay alive and healthy and happy - as long as he never went home.  
  
Steve could sympathize and had been attracted to the lithe, man with the brightest smile and most lickable neck from their first meet-cute at a subway station.  They'd tossed change at the same time toward a busker's tip-hat and missed because they were staring at each other.  
  
It was a lucky perk that they were both 'super' in and out of bed.  
  
"Barry," James said in a low hiss.  "Nice to meet you."  
  
"I don't think he means that," Barry whispered to Steve when he put an arm around him.  But he wasn't scared, more amused.  
  
"Barry's on my list.  He's going to be around now that I'm unemployed," Steve warned.  James' hackles were rising and Dottie may as well be licking her claws preparing for a cockblocking snack.  
  
"You're not unemployed, you're an artist who aspires to be a stay-at-home dad," Barry said.  "Get your story straight so I can take you out on the town."  
  
"Background check and full medical workup," James stated.  
  
"He's already cleared.  Come on, James, I'm embracing civilian live over here and introducing you to my - " he hesitated and everyone looked at him expectantly.  "My boyfriend.  My significant other."  
  
"Best friend protocol says he is supposed to discourage such things," Dottie added helpfully.  
  
Steve frowned at her.  "There's no such thing."  
  
"You make plans and protocols for everything.  We have protocols, too.  We write our own now," James said.  
  
Barry raised his hand.  "Okay, so this is awkward and everything but maybe we should preface that we've been seeing each other more than a year and I'm not tossing that kind of investment away."  
  
"If Steve is introducing you to us, and you know about the child then he trusts you.  That does not mean we have to trust you yet.  There is a probationary period where we must monitor your worth," James said.  
  
"Coffee, who likes coffee?  We all like coffee," Steve deflected.  It was only the first day of the new phase.    
  
  
  
  
## seven  
  
"Thirty-seven minute trip to the city by car following the speed limits.  Minimal neighbors, all private land with enforced no trespassing or hunting laws and easy access for supplies and take-out.  Too far for delivery," James added, clicking a box with his mouse on his meticulous checklist.  
  
"What's the house look like?" Steve asked, sorting his colored pencils after Barry's midnight coloring stint the night before.  
  
"We're doing a full remodel, it is not a concern yet.  I'll purchase the land and obtain the stats to determine our possibilities," James said.  
  
"Do I get a vote at all on the house?" Steve asked, amused at James' laser focus on the housing situation but it was honestly a relief to not have to worry about it.  
  
"It has a private beachfront and a dock for an escape boat.  Or a canoe for fun?" James edited at Steve's soft snort.  "There's a greenhouse and small garden area off to the side of the main house.  There's also a guest house and pool."  
  
"Why do we need a pool if we have the ocean?" Steve asked.  
  
"Because we haven't made our renovations yet," James replied.  "You like to do your art so you'll need a place for that.  Dottie wants a gym and I want a place to put arcade games."  He narrowed his eyes.  "I always break the joysticks in real arcades but I can kit out my own if I have the space."  
  
"And a library.  I want to have a library full of all the books I missed," Steve said, filing away the video game confession for later.  "Even the bad ones, especially the bad ones."  
  
"Noted," James replied.  
  
Steve glanced over at him.  "How are you doing with all this?  I mean, I can't tell if you're fixated on the house because you need a task or something else."  
  
James clicked another box.  "I have to keep you, and Dottie, and the new one, safe.  Having you all in one place is more efficient and I will not fail.  I can have this.  Dottie - she's mine.  She understands me and stays with me and we take care of each other."  His gaze flickered to Steve for an instant, too fast for him to catch his look head on.  "This child will be like you.  Whole, and real.  I will not fail."  
  
"He's nesting, it's adorable," Barry said, stepping in with only a tiny whoosh of backdraft from his superspeed trip to the store.  "Your boss is coming up the stairs, I stalled the elevator so I could give you the head's up."  
  
"Ex-boss," Steve corrected.  "Did you - "  
  
"She put a tracker on your bike and your friend's," Barry said, dropping the magnetic circles on the table.  
  
"Huh."  James pinched each of them into bits with his metal fingers.  Barry almost preened at James' nod of acknowledgment.  "Do I want to know how you got back so fast?"  
  
"We don't know each other well enough for all that now, do we, James?" Barry smirked, settling onto the bench seat with Steve.  
  
"Yet," James grumbled.  
  
Peggy's knock startled him even though he knew it was coming.  
  
"Is she supposed to know this address?" Barry asked after a moment.  "I didn't even think about that."  
  
"She's always had this address for me even if she hasn't used it before," Steve admitted.  
  
James closed the lid to his laptop and stood up.  "I need to check on Dottie.  You have too many fragrant soaps in your bathroom, she will never choose if left unattended."  He paused to swing open the door for Peggy's silent invitation before disappearing into the back.  Peggy blinked in his wake.  
  
"This better be a social call and nothing else," Steve called out so she could follow his voice to the sitting area.  
  
"I thought you kept those soaps for Dottie," Barry said.  
  
Steve smiled.  "I get free samples from some fancy boutique once a month in the mail.  I'm pretty sure she puts my name on things so James doesn't find out."  
  
Peggy glanced between Steve and Barry but he made sure not to react.  He would not raise his shoulders to attention.  He would not take his arm from Barry's shoulders and enforce two inches of personal space.  Barry was handling all the introductions to Steve's previously off-limits friends like a boss  
  
Steve was keeping this one.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't make time for you to talk yesterday.  Can we try again?" Peggy asked, finally settling on Steve.  
  
"Sure, but you were unexpected and I'm not kicking Barry out," Steve replied.  
  
"You're cute but I'm hungry.  I'll start lunch, I'll try and eavesdrop in case you need me," Barry laughed and poked him hard in the side.  He waved at Peggy and darted, in a normal speed, into the other room.  
  
"Well.  I see you've moved on quickly," Peggy said, sitting down primly.  
  
"One year, three months, two weeks and 4 days, if you're counting from our first kiss," Steve replied.  "So quickly, sure."  
  
She sighed and the seventy-odd years were stark on her skin.  "If you're leaving because you're tired of hiding your proclivities then - "  
  
"I'm leaving because I hate my job," Steve interrupted.  "The important people in my life already know my 'proclivities'."  God, he missed the old Peggy.  "There's nothing to negotiate."  
  
"Explain it to me, then.  You have done so much good, you are still doing so much good and we need you - explain to me why you're walking away from SHIELD," Peggy asked.  
  
"Wow," Barry whistled from the kitchen and his comment soothed down some of the rising anger.  
  
"I enlisted in the US Army to serve my country in World War 2.  Project Rebirth was my way in and I accepted the price.  I watched Bucky die, felt his fingers slip right through mine into the snow," Steve said.  "But Arnie, you know, I didn't even get a letter telling me he died.  Probably went to the fan mail PO box the SSR had for me.  I was awake for 27 days in 1985, before I finally found an obituary for him on microfilm.  That's the price I signed up for with Project Rebirth."  
  
"Steve."  
  
"But inflation, you know, it's a tricky thing, so sure, I signed on with SHIELD.  I believed in the work I was doing.  Finding James and Dottie, that got me on board in a big way, you know, saving people that had been twisted by the enemies into something else.  If I'd believed that SHIELD would try and twist them, twist me, the same way then I would have left sooner.  You being here today and only talking about work, well, that makes me believe it a little more."  
  
"I just don't - I had no idea you were unhappy enough to quit without talking to someone first," Peggy blurted out.  
  
"I want a goddamn life of my own," Steve said.  "I want kids and a dog and a boyfriend that can tell people what I do for a living.  I want to wake up and not have to shave if I don't want to, I want to be able to stay home on rainy days and watch color TV.  I want to be able to put flowers on my mom's grave without a fucking surveillance team following me.  I want to invite friends over without worrying about trackers getting snapped on my bike."  
  
She flushed.  "That was a mistaken impulse."  
  
"My resignation was not," Steve countered.  "SHIELD is your life, Peggy.  I don't want it to be mine."  
  
She took a deep breath.  "I guess...I thought you'd take the Director chair when I got too old to sit in it."  
  
"I never wanted that job," Steve said.  He snorted.  "At the time, I didn't think you wanted it, either.  It'll eat your soul, your life.  I didn't think you'd want to spend the rest of your life sitting in committee meetings but wow, I was way off."  
  
"Daniel hates me," Peggy said quietly.  
  
"Doubtful," he replied.  "He would have a much higher pay grade if he'd go against you in meetings once and a while.  It does make me wonder how you two have been married 25 years and he can still be terrified you're going to leave him.  You'd think he'd be over that by now."  
  
"I'm sorry for not being a better friend to you," Peggy said and he believed her.  
  
"Well, there were those forty-odd years when we didn't talk," Steve said, earning an annoyed smile.  "If the Director can accept that I'm not coming back to work, then Peggy's welcome to stay for lunch."  
  
"Yes.  Thank you.  I think I need to find out more about what my old friend is doing with his life now that I don't have to file a report about it," Peggy said.  
  
"I'm holding you to that 'no report' statement."  
  
  
  
  
## eight  
  
They didn't wait on Dottie and James to sit down for sandwiches but they should have considering Barry and Peggy both choked on their bites when the two finally walked in.  With matching braids neatly tucked behind their right ears.  
  
"We declared a draw and will resume the braid challenge at a later date," James said when he realized why Steve was snickering.  
  
"We're all off the clock before you start to get stiff," Peggy said.  She hesitated at Dottie's sandwich construction.  He was pretty sure the pickles were supposed to be on the inside of the bread.  
  
"I got certified as a viable foster parent a few years back.  The adoption papers should go through clean and it's not much different than those surrogacy cases where the mother lives with the adoptive parents for a while," Steve said.  
  
Peggy carefully dabbed at her lips with her napkin.  She cleared her throat.  "You always wanted children.  Is this a mutual agreement?"  
  
"It is a happy outcome for all involved," Dottie replied.  "The child will have a good home and James and I can continue our work."  
  
"And no one at work has to know because we are on vacation," James said in a tighter tone than Dottie's.  
  
Peggy glanced at Steve and nodded.  "It's a private adoption, of course.  The child's birth records will be sealed."  
  
"I'm happy for you.  All of you, I suppose," Peggy said.  "But."  
  
There would always be a but.  
  
She hesitated.  "Are you sure you can handle that?  I may have read your medical records before I took off my Director hat."  
  
"Why would anything in his medical records make him 'not' ready?" Barry asked.  "He just told you he was okay'd as a foster parent before he retired."  
  
"Parasomnia and PTSD," Steve shrugged.  
  
"We have that, too," James stated.  
  
Steve smiled at the misguided solidarity.  "Since medication doesn't work with the serum, I've been handling the symptoms with meditation and strict regulation of my sleep patterns.  Now that I'm retired, I can finally follow doctor's orders by reducing my work stress."  
  
"I always wake you up when you get weird," Barry said quietly.  "He doesn't sleepwalk or get violent or anything."  
  
"Sleep paralysis," Steve said when James gave him a curious look.  
  
"I have that, too," Dottie smiled despite the topic.  "James touches my face until I bite him and then I'm awake."  
  
"Well, Steve doesn't bite, but yeah, that's the trick," Barry laughed.  
  
Peggy looked away.  "I didn't realize."  
  
"SHIELD gives all their agents required monthly psychiatric reviews that are only shared with management if they impede combat readiness," James recited.  
  
Steve cleared his throat before Peggy's stoic facade dropped completely.  "I'll be prepared, Peggy.  I have time to get myself, and my arrangements ready."  
  
She swallowed thickly.  "I'll make sure your exit is smooth."  
  
"And you're welcome to visit for social reasons when I'm in town," Steve said.  
  
"We are definitely going to fix our friendship even if our work relationship is finished," Peggy nodded tiredly.  
  
"Just call first next time," Barry beamed.  
  
"And leave the trackers behind," James added.  
  
He walked Peggy to the elevator and when he returned to the kitchen, his spirits lifted a notch at Barry's voice chatting with James and Dottie openly.  
  
"I don't mean you should get a dog for baby practice, no, for the sleep thing.  They can train them now, or you can even get a puppy and train it yourself - I bet a dog licking your face would be just as effective as James touching your face."  
  
"I do not want to bite a dog," Dottie replied, scandalized.  James smiled fondly at her and for a moment - Steve knew with utter certainty that things were going to be all right.  
  
  
  
## nine  
  
"Hey, Doc."  
  
Sam rolled his eyes.  "I'm not a doctor, Cap - "  
  
"And I'm not the Captain anymore," his friend replied with a crooked smile.  
  
Sam managed not to drop his Starbucks in surprise.  "Wait, that's not how this dialogue normally plays out."  
  
"I'm finally taking your advice."  
  
He narrowed his gaze suspiciously.  "You never take my advice.  You're pretty notorious for doing the exact opposite of what I advise."  
  
"Well, you keep saying you're not a doctor," Steve smirked.  
  
"Sit.  Talk.  Now," Sam ordered, motioning to their regular park bench.  Steve grinned.  
  
He took in his friend's demeanor.  Relaxed.  He wasn't even wearing a belt with his jeans - total progress - and he had a bruise on his throat that was not from combat and flashed openly behind his collar.  
  
He put the back of his hand against Steve's forehead to check for fever and Steve swatted him off.  "I'm not sick, asshole."  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"I resigned.  I'm ready to try this civilian thing out," Steve said.  
  
"Sit," Sam repeated.  It was going to be a long session today.  
  
"I thought you'd be happy about it.  Hell, even I'm mostly happy about it," Steve said.  
  
"Mostly?" Sam pushed.  
  
Steve shrugged.  "Yeah.  I won't miss the work, but I'll miss my friends.  I'm keeping my place in Bed-Stuy but I'm moving into a permanent place outside of the city.  You'll have to make some housecalls if you're still willing to be my therapist."  
  
"I saw you last week, when did all this happen?" Sam had been counseling Steve Rogers, freelance, for the past four years and while impulse control was an issue in firefights - the guy was pretty structured in his life our of uniform.  But, in a way, Steve was always in uniform.  
  
"Wednesday.  Early estimate says we'll be in a new place in two months," Steve said, his eyes skimming the sparse crowd before he focused on him again.  "So you know J and his girl, right?"  
  
"Sure, your recovering spy friends that you totally aren't making up," Sam nodded.  
  
Steve snorted, amused.  "Well, D's expecting and she asked me for help."  
  
Sam turned and put both hands on the ridiculously wide shoulders.  "Please tell me you're making this all up."  
  
"She's two months along.  It's a big thing.  I didn't think I could handle it with my current stress level at work.  So I turned in the papers I've been sitting on for years, told my ex-beard's husband off and introduced my boyfriend to my other friends," Steve continued with bright honesty.  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
"Right?"  
  
"Steve, man, you know I think you need a change but that's a little - wow - I mean - that's a lot."  
  
"Yeah.  And I'm ready, I'm completely on top of the situation.  But it would really help if you could congratulate me on at least one of my life choices right now," Steve said.  
  
Okay, so Sam may have misinterpreted Steve's relaxed mood.  "You're totally freaking out right now."  
  
"That's not encouraging," Steve said.  
  
"Sorry - I am glad you decided to take a break from your job - it's about time, Steve.  Tell me about that while I get the rest of my questions together.  You had papers ready?"  
  
"Yeah.  Things were different before.  I didn't have anything that - I needed something outside of work before I was willing to walk away.  You and - my boyfriend - you're the only people I have outside of work."  
  
Sam hesitated.  "I don't know if a newborn's going to be what you need."  
  
"Or maybe it's a sign.  I mean, it's a miracle that they made a baby at all, Sam.  They...they were altered, you know?  Sterilized," he shuddered.  
  
Sam did not know that.  
  
"We're all science experiments, but I can make sure this baby's okay," Steve said.  "I might get a dog, too."  
  
Sam held up his hands.  "No.  You are not getting a dog, that's a whole different conversation that we'll queue up for later."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
# nesting grounds  
  
  
  
James wasn't built for panic.  But Dottie's body wasn't built for breeding.  She was swollen and sweaty and in pain.  James wasn't built for this kind of crisis.  
  
"Hey.  You're doing great, Dot, not too much longer now," Steve's voice broke through his incompatible panic and he focused on Dottie's pinched expression and the white-knuckled grip she had on his metal fingers.  Steve brushed damp hair off her cheek and searched her face for a nod before turning his attention to James.  
  
 "Sorry," James said, reaching down to wipe her face with the damp rag provided for his assignment.  
  
"I think one more big push and we'll have a winner," Ms. Jennings said from the end of the bed.  
  
"I would like this to be over now," Dottie said hoarsely.  "I would like this baby to be out of me now."  
  
James wasn't sure how to handle panic, or a baby, or a wife or a life, or anything that wasn't fed to him with prioritized instructions.  But Dottie was his choice, his partner and he couldn't abandon her to deal with this no matter how much he wished he could be checking security cameras in the other room.  
  
"You'll be drinking wine and smoking Cuban cigars tonight," James said.  "Gonna give you the most bubbly bath and light all the candles."  
  
Dottie didn't look at him with fondness and he almost thought she was going to crush his indestructible hand.  "I hate you."  
  
"Here we go," Ms. Jennings said and there was a twist of pain on Dottie's face and then a weak cry.  
  
"I don't hate you," Dottie said, breathless.  
  
"Hi, hi there," Steve spoke, hiding the wailing creature from his sight while the midwife finished her business under the draped sheets.  
  
"Is it - " James started when he felt it was taking way too long for them to update them.  
  
"Natasha," Steve said and Dottie seemed to deflate against the bed.  
  
"A girl.  You were right all along," James said, raising her hand to kiss it.  
  
"Oh.  And it's - she's - oh," Dottie's eyes soften when Steve crouches down beside the bed with the tiny infant swaddled and whining.  
  
"Beautiful, just like her mother.  Grumpy, just like her father," Steve smiled.  
  
Dottie curled her finger and swiped at the child's wrinkled cheek but blinked over at James.  "We can't…have her."  
  
"Steve's got her," James said.  "And we've got Steve."  
  
She nodded, brushing her fingertips down the baby's cheek again.  "Good."  
  
    --  
  
"Go bond with our niece somewhere else so James can help me wash," Dottie ordered when Steve realized why Ms. Jennings was giving him pointed looks.  He was holding a gunky bald child and not an adorable sparkly princess.  
  
"Remember the rules, guys.  She needs time to heal before anything work or fun-related," Steve edited.  "Check-in set for forty-five minutes."  
  
"Thirty," James edited.  "Mark."  
  
The midwife rolled her eyes and steered Steve toward the door.  "I need to do the full initial exam," she said when the door was secure behind them.  She'd been around them enough over the past few months to know what topics were allowed in front of Dottie.  
  
Dottie and James had a reasonable dislike of scientists considering their histories; but that included doctors and medical staff that could have been helpful in the months leading up to and during the birth.  Dottie had consented to medical care only under an alias with James and Steve in the room at all times.  
  
Sam confessed that it seemed like James and Dottie both treated Steve like a benevolent handler but Steve hoped their trust was deeper than that.  
  
Ms. Jennings was a nurse practitioner so she did double duty for them but with Dottie's prickly and standoffish demeanor, she understood why he simply called her a midwife.  She might not know that Dottie and James were genetically enhanced spies outright, but she knew that they had been mistreated and abused in the past.  
  
She went to work checking Natasha's heartbeat and counting her fingers and toes quickly.  "Get cleaned up, and take off your shirt."  She chuckled.  "Been waiting six months to say that - but it was in the pamphlets."  
  
"Skin to skin - cuddle and feed.  I'll get the formula and diapers prepped," Steve said, remembering the checklist.  "Was Dottie okay down under?"  
  
She cooed at Natasha as she cleaned her skin to a rosy pink.  "She didn't need stitches, the tearing was minimal.  She'll be fine.  This little darling is perfect and would probably like her daddy to get to that cuddle and feeding part."  
  
Twenty-seven minutes later, James stepped into the room with rolled up sleeves and damp hair.  It apparently only took twenty-seven minutes to become obsessed with a child.  
  
"How's Dot?" Steve asked, Natasha curled tightly in her burrito blanket against his chest after her first successful feeding.  
  
"Tired.  I put the sheets and gross stuff in the washing machine and she's sleeping it off in the green guest room," James said.  "She doesn't want to breast feed the baby."  
  
"I know," Steve replied.  They'd discussed it a few times and Natasha would be fine with formula.  
  
James hesitated.  "She thinks you're disappointed in her for not wanting to do it."  
  
Steve looked down at Natasha.  "I'm too happy right now to be disappointed.  If 'Tasha didn't take to the soy, maybe, but just look at her.  Look at what your girl just did."  
  
James smiled faintly at the baby but made no move to touch her.  Steve wouldn't ask.  
  
"I know she's eager to go back to work and the sooner she stops producing milk, the easier it'll be for her," Steve said.  
  
"But for the baby, with she be all right without milk?" James asked.  Steve didn't think Dottie was the one with the questions.  
  
"I made sure, she's going to be completely healthy.  Barry's going to run her DNA and see if she's special like us in addition to being the most special little girl ever born," Steve said.  
  
James snickered.  "You're ridiculous."  
  
"Don't care, busy with Cute over here," Steve said.  "Hey, if you send Barry a picture, I bet he would pick up some takeout for you."  
  
"I'm not giving him a tip," James replied but reached for the phone.  
  
    --

**Author's Note:**

> SO MUCH HAPPENS LATER. Steve has SO MANY BOYFRIENDS (because Barry eventually has to go home and be adorable). JAMES/DOTTIE ARE MY ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥.


End file.
